“But I don’t understand! She’s so smart!”
Another parent conference! Another set of frustrated parents. Another squirming student….the familiar scene repeats itself over and over and over….
I was sitting at my desk one day about three years ago, sullenly staring out the window, when a young man presented himself at my door. Nice kid as I recall whose name now escapes me.
“Ntey tod me to snee you”.
Huh?
“I haf a quader stuk up mny noth!”
After some translation, I was able to figure out that he had a quarter stuck up his nose, and in fact it was wedged so far in there that it looked as if a trip to the emergency room was in order. This young man was 16 years old….and had an IQ that could power a small city.
“Well what the heck did you do that for”, I asked?
“Tno snee if I coud”.
Uh huh….
I called his Dad, a hardworking successful businessman in this town, and explained to him that the fruit of his loins, the hope for the family line, was going to need what would most likely be, a very expensive trip to the nearest medical facility to extract currency from his son’s face. Can there be a more proud parental moment? And then I heard what every Principal has heard since the beginning of time, “But he’s so smart”!
Uh huh….
After calming down a bit, Dad then gathered himself and put on his parental “common sense cloak” and demanded that I put his son on speaker phone. “Son, go stand out in front of the school. I’m gonna need some room! Because when I get there I’m gonna apply my boot to your backside so hard that quarter is going to fly right outta your face!” The kid went completely ashen, began snorting madly and two minutes later proudly showed me a somewhat tainted quarter, glistening in the palm of his hand. Now let me say right now, just for good measure, and to fend off indignant comments, that this Dad was speaking figuratively. At no time did I think the kid was in any physical danger.
Later that morning, Dad turned to me and sadly muttered those same words: “I don’t get it….he’s so smart.”
Uh huh…
As I think about this phenomenon, repeated in countless households of bright capable students, I come to the conclusion that our educational system has done a grave disservice to these children. We give them an exam, we count up the numbers, and we gleefully pronounce that the student is “super intelligent”, at which point all involved reinforce to this child that he is “smart”. What a set up for that kid. Bright kids know they didn’t have an active participation in their “smartness”. It’s an act of inheritance, like green eyes or brown hair, and therefore not under their control. For them, school was pretty easy in elementary and mid school….not a lot of effort was needed. Heck, they could do their homework on the walk to school! And then high school hits! All of a sudden school is “hard”.
And so the conferences begin, and the frustration starts, and the fear that the upcoming academic years are going to be a misery sets in. What the student internalizes is “I’m not smart any more”. Homework become a risk…you never know…it might be wrong, and we all know that smart kids don’t get things wrong. Producing becomes a risk….and risk is uncomfortable, after all, it’s well, risky!
As I watch my students dig into the black hole of their backpacks for their missing work, sweating as their frustrated parents repeat over and over, “But we watched him do it”, I’ve come to a conclusion…of sorts. We need to look at intellect just like we do any attribute, like for instance athletic ability. If a kid is an incredible athlete, fabulous! But we don’t all stand around the child and clap over their ability! We reward what they do with their talent. It does no good if they and their ability sit on the couch and watch TV all afternoon. We don’t reward athletic “potential”! We reward the hard work its taken to hone that skill…fine-tune it. It’s the working out, the competition, and the action that earns that kid satisfaction of a job well done. I recall a study that was done on child prodigies. We all think they just picked up a violin one day and started fiddling! Turns out, it was not so. The prodigy actually practiced continually, self-motivating and self-correcting errors. They had an almost insatiable need to hone their craft. And how did they learn this behavior? Turns out the adults in their life were not too impressed with their talent; instead hard work was noted and rewarded. I think it should be the same with intellect; it’s a talent that needs to be polished.
Better we should praise the elbow grease and the time on task, those factors the kiddos have control over. And I’m not talking about the ever deadly pat on the back and “Well honey, you tried!” Yikes! Better an admiring “Dang, you did a lot of work here…good job!”
There’s an often told story about Henry Kissinger and his work with a brilliant young staffer who was asked to produce a report. He slaved over it for days. After turning it in to Kissinger, he got it back with the words “Is this the best you can do?” written across the front. The young man rewrote and polished the paper and resubmitted it. Once again it was returned with the words “Is this the best you can do?” After rewriting it yet once more - and once more getting the same response - he finally snapped, “Yes, that’s the best I can do. I can’t do any more” and Kissinger replied”Fine, then I guess I’ll read it this time.”
That’s why we have such a focus on homework here at AIMS; and by now we all know I’m not talking about quick little work sheets here. I’m talking beefy projects…they do take time and we do expect a lot. But the payoff and self-satisfaction for our students I think is worth it.
I guess bottom line is my experience reinforces the old adage….its not what you have, its what you do with it that counts. The operative word here being “do”.